I have a question for my fellow musicians, writers, artists, dreamers, or just overly emotional people. Do you ever get scared when you sit in front of a piano or a virginal canvas or an empty score sheet or just a piece of blank paper? Do you ever have so many emotions about something and want so badly to express them but when you get ready to put it out, you tense up? To some people, emptiness can give a sense of mystery and possibility. Most of the time, I get excited when I sit behind my piano or guitar and prepare to write a song. I mean music is everything to me, it usually makes me so happy. But there are times when my emotions are so intense that I feel music can’t handle them. I’ll just sit there behind my piano with my finger hovering above the keys and be completely intimidated. I find this moment—the moment before creativity–so painful that I simply cannot deal with it. Now, I only get this dread when I am so deep in to something or (usually) someone. I have so much to say and so much to express, but I simply get scared of my own possibility.
I just noticed a few weeks ago that I can’t really write a song about someone until they are completely out of my life. It’s as if I have to have this freedom or clarity in order to sit down and really process what happened and why. Even then, I never really have found the understanding of why. I guess that’s what heartbreak is about. That’s what all the songs are about. I can see what happened but…..why? Now, even if you know why, a lot of people don’t always accept it. What about ya’ll? Can you write a song about someone when you are currently deep in or do you wait until it’s over or something happens? Someone once told me that unattainability is the most attractive thing. I was only 16 at the time and even though we were joking and laughing, I couldn’t forget that quote. I didn’t fully understand the meaning or depth of those words at the time, but now I do. We all want what we can’t have. People are so much more attractive when they are unattainable. I personally fall for this moral clause all the damn time. I just want to be special to someone who is “special”. My downfall in that is that nobody is more special than others. We are all human. But a lot of girls fall for the quarterback who is with the cheerleader and lot a guys fall for the cheerleader who is with the quarterback. What makes them desirable is the fact that everyone made them desirable. They are also unattainable.
I don’t know, i am very curious if I am the only one who sometimes fears creativity. Do you ever have so many feelings at once? That every song you write about it isn’t EXACTLY what you want it to be. This is a short blog post but I wanna include my readers in it. Us artists are complicated beings. Emotional and fierce. In order to be fierce, we have to be emotional and open up fresh wounds every time we create. Let me know